Tipping 101 for Dummies

Tipping in restaurants and bars is nothing new but there are some awesome people out there that either have never heard of it or just ignore it completely. For those of you that ignore it, please tell your server or bartender about your policy in advance so that they can give you the appropriate service in proportion to your generosity.You are pretty much scum. But we will get back to that later.

For those of you in the ignorant group that have never encountered such a new age concept as tipping, let me help you out. First the basics. A tip is the money you give a server or bartender that has had to deal with you during the duration of your visit to an eating or drinking establishment. It is not usually included in the bill, so you have total control over how much or how little you give your server. An appropriate tip amount for standard or average service is %15. It's been that way for awhile now so don't try and pull the excuse that you thought it was 10% or lower because you've probably been in a restaurant since 1976. That excuse doesn't fly.

So how does one come to the magic number of 15%. Well get out your scratch paper and a calculator. Here's an example of how to do it: If your bill is say $32.55, round that number to 33. 10% of 33 is 3.3. Then take that number (3.3) and double it. That comes out to 6.6. If you're keeping up that means that 20% of 33 is 6.6. So 15% is somewhere in the middle of 3.3 and 6.6. Now that part of the process is where it gets tricky but you can do it! Just estimate and you should be fine. 4.95 is the actual answer but if you thought to yourself its probably around 5 then you will end up alright. So about 15% of $32.55 is roughly $5. Did you see what I did right there? Pretty neat and fun! It's kind of like a game!

If that last part was too tough then just go ahead and always tip at 20% or more, even if the service is less than satifactory. Don't complain about having to do that because if you really think about it, as poorly a job that you think your server or bartender doing, it is nothing compared to you having been the worst possible customer a restaurant can have for a very, very long time. You've screwed over so many people because of your lack of knowledge. It's about time for you to make up for being such a dirtbag.

But you say, "I can't afford both the food and the tip."  Well that's just too bad. Have some class. Don't be the scum of the earth you have always been. You're better than that. Just eat at McDonald's or go to the grocery store and cook for yourself. What you are essentially paying for at a restaurant or bar is not just the product you are consuming but also the service provided for you. Even if it is terrible or slow you are still sitting down and people are bringing you food and drinks. You don't have to do anything but pay. That doesn't sound too bad to me.

Here's a fun fact for you: Servers in GA make $2.13/hr and a lot of that is yanked out in taxes. That means they are dependent on your tips to survive. Everyone has had a server or bartender in the family and they probably worked  pretty hard for the little money they made so most of you should understand a little about what's going on here.

But knowing that and still not tipping means you probably don't have any major issues with the idea of slavery, because that's just what you done. You have turned that server or bartender into your slave through trickery, by tricking them into believing that you were a good person. That's right, I'm calling you, the person who doesn't tip, a bad person. Even if your great in every other way, when it comes to eating out, you are scum. (Told you I'd get back to it.) The lowest of the low.

If you could hear the things your server or bartender says about you when they go in the back, you would think that you must be a rapist or child molester. And for the next 10-15 minutes you might as well be. Pretty much everyone else working at the place agrees with your server's opinion or at least says some equally messed up stuff about you because they also have been screwed over before, probably that very night. At this point your server wants to kick your ass and God help you or your food if you come back to that establishment and that server or bartender happens to remember you. They probably won't but that a fair warning. We've all heard stories.

Either way, you deserve what happens especially after reading this. Ignorance, cheapness, or brokeness are no longer valid excuses. You know the deal. Sure we've went over a lot of complex stuff, but if you can't do the math to give an appropriate tip just find a 12 year old to help you out. If you don't have the money to tip, just don't eat out. That's it. Any other reason you have for not tipping means you are pretty much scum. Plain and simple.